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Enjoying motherhood is a GREAT thing.
But I startled myself the other day when I realized I hadn’t touched my blog in months.
Not good.
Today’s story is about getting complacent and wanting to give up because I was too comfortable. I made a mistake.
Have you ever been there? The, “Eh, I don’t need to do that now” moment, that slowly creeps in and becomes a habit? That survival instinct that tells you to do less, because “I’m a mom”? Lack of energy, client commitments taking priority, lack of mental space, the list could go on…
Today’s story is about finding my passion and purpose in my work again.
I’m not going to say I got it all right, but I’m learning, and I want to share with you as I go. I’m getting back up again, and I’m trying again. It’s what we have to do to get where we want to be.
Reflecting back on the last four months, it’s almost like a took an unintentional sabbatical, and aside from abandoning my blog, I’m pretty proud of what I accomplished. Here are my (mostly non-work-related) takeaways:
I minimized my life.
I semi-systematically went through my household and tried to think of ways to streamline and optimize parts of my life that aren’t important to me or won’t matter at the end of the day.
For example, I looked at my grocery budget and broke breakfast and lunch options down into 2-3 cost-effective, healthy and predictable meals that take away the “what am I going to make the kids for lunch” mindset. I don’t have to think about any meals except for dinner, and those breakfast/lunch ingredients can be picked up every week religiously. I think this helped me enjoy being more creative with my dinners.
I set up cues that make patterns and habits in my life. For example, Mondays are budget & email days, Tuesdays are catch up on work days, Fridays are cook with the kids days, Sunday is Family Day, etc. As soon as the bigger girls go play together each morning, I sit down for my journaling and Bible reading. When I put the baby down for a nap, I throw in a load of laundry. When I wipe the counters, I wipe the microwave, too. It’s all about those cues and how they create patterns in our life. I just attached something I was already doing with something I needed to do. I spent the past couple of months observing that pattern, and molding it a little bit to make my life easier. I think this helped free up a lot of mental space and I found myself making less to do lists.
This is a really difficult thing to admit, especially since most of my client work is in social media, but I left my personal Instagram in the dust and I don’t regret it one bit. I am continuing to be active on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, and maybe someday I will return to the Instagram world. But it was one thing in my day that took a ton of time and didn’t show a lot of return for me. It was an addiction that I couldn’t shake without just turning it off. Maybe I’ll blog about that in the future. Social media is such a huge part of our world, and it’s important to be able to deal with it effectively.
My family came first.
My kids are very sensitive to my stress level. Have you heard the saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” It’s true. They are toddlers and they start acting out more and creating more chaos when I’m not available to them mentally, emotionally, and physically. Because of that, I tried to learn to keep myself in check and sometimes that means doing less with work so I can do more with them. I think this was one of the main reasons I stopped blogging. My kids are why I’m self-employed, so sacrificing my kids for the sake of my work is just not an option.
Along with that, I listened to what was going on and took steps to manage the chaos better. For example, my kids had a really hard time picking up their toys over the past few months. It was a stressor for me, and they were stressed because they couldn’t handle the mess. So we downsized (to the tune of six trash bags full of toys!) and everyone is happier. My kids can manage their toys and enjoy the ones they have, and I don’t have 10,000 things to pick up after they go to bed. Win, win!
I also had a lot of family priorities come up since I last blogged – my sister’s wedding, buying land and starting to plan for a move and construction project, renovations at my current home, my baby turning into a toddler, potty training, and more… And on top of that, I have daily/weekly client work that I continue to keep up with.
I made room for creativity.
After dealing with all of the family busyness, I tried to clear out my schedule.
I can feel it when I’m getting too busy. I get invited to a lot of things and I pretty much always say “Yes” as long as there’s space in the calendar. But I’m learning to keep that space open for my family and my creativity. Those nights together are so precious and pass by so quickly.
I’m trying to listen better, and when I have the “I’m getting too busy” feeling, I try to say “no” to the next thing that comes up, no matter what it is, or how important it may seem. I found that committing to saying “no” ahead of time makes it way easier.
When I get too busy I don’t have time to be creative. I tried to just sit. I got out my violin and played for my kids, and I even pulled out a watercolor set and got to work smearing paint on a page. I made my own cinnamon rolls from scratch in a quiet kitchen on a Saturday night. I left my phone in my purse and didn’t even care. I was able to think and be creative.
While I’m not proud that I stopped blogging, I am glad I did the things that I did. I unintentionally created space again to pick up this project, to help other moms like you build a business you love.
Realizing I had a new purpose
The scary thing was, I was OK with stepping back from the blog.
Until I realized that there was someone who needed me to step forward again.
My husband.
That guy that gets forgotten sometimes. The one who made it possible for me to step back from it all these past couple of months because of his hard work and diligence.
You guys, when your husband leaves for work at 5 am, comes home at 4:30 to have dinner and kiss his daughters, and leaves again by 6 pm and works into the night to wrap up a project… Working 6 days a week (and doing it with a good attitude!), there is nothing like it. An exhaustion he doesn’t speak about. A commitment to his family that he may not ever be completely recognized for. But I see it, and this week, it became my WHY. I want to do this so that he has freedom, too.
This isn’t a promise that I’ll never fail again. I’m sure there will be times when I won’t feel like blogging, or life and motherhood get the best of me. But I’m going to try harder to balance it all.
If you feel yourself spiraling out of control, burning out, getting lazy with your business, or just wanting to push pause, try a couple things:
- Take a break from social media – When you find yourself reaching for your phone, pull out a journal instead. You’ll find yourself being more creative.
- Make a list of your distractions and tackle them one by one. Leave a comment if you need help or ideas!
- Say “no” to the next thing you’re invited to. Commit! There will be other opportunities for fun.
- Do something you’re passionate about, or do something just for fun. I enjoyed painting, you might just want a long walk to refresh and be alone with your thoughts.
- Write down your WHY. It’s crucial to moving forward. If you don’t have a purpose that’s deeper than your desire “not to”, then you will never get there.
It might take a day off, or maybe a week or two to get back on track, but I hope these suggestions will keep you from stopping altogether.
I’m so not perfect.
I don’t know if I got this right, but I’m going to keep trying.
